Another year passed....

Calendar changed. Another year passed. Same as usual - the dreams and the hopes are still unconquered and the taste of life is still mixed-up. Different in just the way those previous years used to be for everyday is new in itself and each year is different from another. Good moments and bad moments. Many mistakes and few prides. Little love and no fights. Many arguments! Above all, ‘explore’ would be the word I wanna use for my year. Not much as I dream, but certainly more than ever before.

Everybody is struggling for his or her own goals, some clear and some blurred. It feels as if graduating is the toughest work one has to do while in college years but the real struggle hits hard when one has to step on the real working life. There are tougher things we have to accomplish, truths we need to realize and the system we may not like. Too much gloss is in lights, too much gloom in darks - confusion everywhere around.

When I was doing my first job as a civil engineer in a rural village of Rasuwa, I realized what real struggle means. There was a constant fear in me. Geographical difficulties of that place was scary without a second thought, to work in such site during rainy season when landslides and stone-falls used to be regular events was even more. People I worked with felt the same way but to what degree, I cannot say. What I feared more was my workmanship as a technical staff. I was a fresher and I did have a lot of hard times working there. Education we gain in our country is hardly practical which makes us a graduate with certificate but with zero degree of actual workability. 

Learning never ends though. I was learning academically in schools and colleges, now I am learning the way of doing things in my profession and in the life as a whole. Learning is never easy, it might be the tough boring task but once learnt and the result obtained, the feeling right then is amazing and the joyous never felt earlier. For instance, I’m learning swimming, not learnt yet, but enjoying the process fully. Just a year and a half into engineering profession, I’ve loads of things to learn, but this learning makes me feel difficult. To deal with different people, places and situations are as interesting as it is annoying to cope with the fools and over-smarts.

Fear of losing the dear ones and relations is bigger than the fear of dangerous cliffs in Rasuwa or so. I felt and I saw some heartbreaks and relations been breaking. But I also saw relations growing stronger. It’s always unto us what we make out of the bonds, if we can break it, we can mend it as well. However, for some ungrateful assholes, we should be showing them the doors. Learn to let go! I’m learning this too.

I value my friends and my bond with them. Setting aside the facebook, I’ve too many knowns, some good friends but very few close friends. Even if I don’t have a contact with them for quite a time, I wish they’ll understand. I try my best to keep the bond strong. I try to accept them for what they are and wish the same in return. I can sound selfish but this is what it is. Expectations come automatically! I say what I feel, I argue, I lecture, I might seem distant for a while, but that doesn’t mean I’ve stopped caring and valuing the friendship. Each of us has our own issues and goes through phases, is all. If my dear friends know this, I’m lucky enough but if they don’t, what am I supposed to say?

Besides exploring struggle, fear and the value of relations, I’ve explored the people in some way only I feel in my head. I saw the innocent faces and the cruel ones. I saw dramas, fakers and the bitter truths. I saw a single person in both his good form and bad behavior. I travelled to many new places I’ve never been to. Magnificent Mustang tops the list!! The kind of simplicity, innocence and warmth in the people of village cannot be found in city habitants. More I meet new people and get to know about them, more I feel different. It is sad that there is more negativity than the positivity.

I’m having a more sense of responsibility these days. We all might be feeling the same. People call it growing up.  The increasing rate of crime and loss of humanity in the world and getting the feeling of own country being pushed backwards definitely concerns me. It’s not that I’ve now become some sort of activists or so, but if it does concern me, bother me and if it does make me feel bad, then I cannot be wrong, at least.

Thank god, out of all these serious talks, I’m blessed with some beautiful movies to watch, some nice music to listen, some good books to read and many wonderful places to travel. Travelling many places this year has only made me hungrier to travel more and explore many other beautiful places in Nepal. I feel like leaving the job right now and get on a long trip to the mountains and the Himalayas, but that needs money and for so, I must do the job. Irony!

Watching plays in theaters is my new interest, so is blogging. Writing has always been my hobby but I accelerated it this year. I don’t write good but I’m never stopping, I like to torture my dear reader, whoever read this. Thank you for reading :) Being over happy for some simple mobile photography or sketching of Priyanka Chopra or some pieces I write…..I sometimes feel weird. But I soon remind myself that this is so ordinary and that I’m not abnormal!

Oh! my never ending dreams and passions and ever increasing interests…..

Expectations, ambitions, dreams… these things carry on. If not this year, next is always there. Just be sure that it’s not too late. If I have grown some maturity, I have kept some childishness too. I am stuck between practicality and philosophy. I am just being me, nothing much.

I don’t want to overrate the new year by all these talking of memories. (or, if I’ve already done, I’m sorry) But little bit of reminder is no harm. Happy new year to all of you dear people. Only wish I have is I’ll have another new year to write the shits and you all to read them. Happy living. Peace.